A Christmas Wish Read online

  She watched as he nodded and moved to sit at the table. He went to sit at the side of the table.

  “No, no, you sit here.” Jemma pointed to the seat she’d set up at the head of the table. She noted his frown but didn’t argue. Jemma couldn’t look away as he took the seat where Simon had once sat. Instead of the pain she’d imagined she would feel, there was a deep sense of calm and happiness at having him in that seat.

  Smiling she handed him his knife and fork before she sat next to him.

  “Should I ask what this is or should I just dive in?” he asked, looking at the food.

  Her food experiments had become a long running joke between the two of them. Jemma shook her head. “Just try it and see what you think. Oh wait.” She paused as she ran to the fridge pulling out a small kiddie’s bowl complete with a cartoon character.

  “A sour cream and chive sauce.” She gave him the spoon to dollop some on top. Seconds later they were diving in, both murmuring their approval. Another experiment fortunately had gone right.

  They ate in silence, enjoying the peace and the food.

  Ryan finished first leaning back with a hand to his stomach. “Wow, honey, that was fantastic.”

  Jemma glowed under the praise. Her gaze lingered on his defined muscles. He worked out at the local gym in town. She knew that because the women who went there would stand around chattering about how hot he was. When he’d cut their yard in the summer, he had removed his shirt, and those mouth-watering muscles would be slick with sweat. She loved the summer when he got partially naked.

  Crap, she was turning into a sex addict.

  Her pussy creamed thinking about licking a path down each ridge, tasting his body on her tongue. She loved kissing and devoted a good deal of her time to the physical form of a man. She pulled her thoughts away from the erotic images playing in her mind.

  Her stomach in knots, she dropped her fork onto the plate. She wouldn’t be able to eat anything else with Ryan so close, and her need so acute.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked. He rested his hand on her back. He was so large. She stifled a moan as the simple contact had her thinking of his hand caressing all over her body. She wondered what it would be like to be at this man’s mercy? She knew Ryan would be a considerate lover. Along with the gossip about his physique at the supermarket, tales of his prowess in the bedroom had also made it to her ears.

  “Nothing,” she said. The word came out on a croak as all the saliva seemed to disappear, leaving her throat aching and scratchy.

  His finger under her chin had Jemma lifting her face to meet his concerned eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked again.

  I want you. I want you to take me to bed and remind me what it is like to be a woman. Desired and lusted after.

  Jemma wanted to cry. She really wanted to be with him. For months now all she could think about was their future. He was always at the house. He stayed over more nights than not. Ryan was part of her world.

  She held her breath as his hand moved from her chin and his thumb rubbed along her bottom lip. Her gaze darted back to him. Never before had he touched her like this, so intimately.

  Jemma held her breath waiting, hoping, and terrified. What would it mean if she saw more in this than he did?

  Simon, her late husband, had been her first and only lover. She was only twenty-five now. She couldn’t let her body, mind and heart die with him, could she?

  She didn’t know anymore, and she was nervous about taking the next step.

  Jumping up and breaking the contact, she took their plates in shaking fingers, and dumped them in the sink full of hot water. She released a breath staring out of the window across the sink, trying to calm herself down.

  “Jemma?” Hearing her name and sensing how close he was made her tense up. Her nipples budded painfully against the sports bra she wore. His husky voice tempted her to turn around.

  “I can’t,” she said, whispering.

  Fear over the feelings consuming her overtook her. She waited for him to turn away and leave.

  “I can’t wait any longer.” His words didn’t register straight away. Nothing registered but the pressure as his hands moved to grasp her elbow, and turned her around. Ryan trapped her against the sink. Before she could protest his lips smashed down on hers, taking her lips in a full kiss.

  At first she was tense as the kiss surprised her, but then she circled his neck, holding him as she moved her lips against his. There was nothing soft or loving about the kiss. It was rough, raw, and filled with lust. They tore at each other, bumping teeth and biting lips. His hands moved to the back of her head and pulled the band that tied her hair up. He yanked the band throwing it to the floor, and sank his fingers into her hair. Jemma moaned as the contact brought her closer to him.

  She opened her lips, and he thrust his tongue into her mouth. The subtle hint of beer and food could not mask his natural taste. Pressing as much of her body as she could against him, there was no denying the ridge of his hard cock resting against her stomach.

  “More,” he said, growling the words against her lips.

  He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

  Her pussy was slick, and she welcomed the feel of his hard cock. She cried out as Ryan put her down on the edge of the sink. His lips traveled down her neck as he tugged on the hem of her shirt.

  Jemma pulled his shirt out of his jeans exposing those muscles she’d spent a great deal of time fantasizing about. Her nails scored the skin. He hissed and tore her stained shirt open, pulling her breasts out of her bra, taking no time to pull it over her head. She screamed as his teeth bit down on her swollen nipples.

  “Oh my God,” she said, gasping.

  He pulled away to pull his own shirt off and then he was on her again. Ryan ravished her breasts with his mouth. The stubble of a day’s growth rubbed over her sensitive skin and was driving her crazy. Jemma cupped his head as his lips nipped and nibbled the light flesh.

  Her pussy was slick with cream. She couldn’t remember a time she’d been so turned on.

  The moment was ruined as Megan let out a scream making them both jump. Jemma fell into the sink wetting all of her butt. She yelping as the hot water burnt her bottom, and she quickly jumped out of the sink. Ryan, not prepared for her sudden weight, caught her but then both fell to the floor in a heap.

  Naked, wet, and flushed they both stared at each other.

  His hands rested on her back.

  “Are you all right?” he asked. Her heart contracted as it suddenly dawned on her how he was always concerned for her safety.

  “Yes,” she said.

  Megan screamed again.

  “I’d better go…” Jemma pointed to the ceiling.

  Ryan nodded. “Is it okay if I stay on the couch?”

  “Yes.” They parted after Ryan helped her to her feet. Jemma tucked her hair behind her ear as he offered her his shirt.

  Jemma took his shirt and without another word made her way up the stairs to her child who at least still needed her for something.

  Chapter Three

  The following morning had Ryan on tenterhooks. Jemma acted as if nothing had happened the night before between them. As if he hadn’t felt her passion, her heat even through his jeans. He wanted her so much. His control was slipping. It was the only way to describe what took place last night. Seeing the way she’d walked over to the sink, the dejection, the slump of her shoulders had spoken volumes to him.

  Not being able to control his reaction, after keeping it in check for well over five years he couldn’t help the wave of lust that had taken over. Who could control the desire to show the woman they loved how much they wanted them?

  The moment he touched her, his hard won control had cracked, and before he knew what was happening, Jemma was in his arms and he was basking in the pleasure.

  He sat and waited for her to get back from dropping Billy off at school, Megan at the local pre-school, and Sean off at Simon’s parents.
They still played a huge part in all of their lives. In fact it had been Simon’s parents who had suggested he take his feelings for Jemma to the next level.

  “We may be old, son, but we’re not stupid. How do you think Simon was conceived?” Simon’s father had said to him. They must be the only forgiving parents he’d ever come across. He stood up and stretched before putting his jeans on but not doing the buckle up. He folded the spare bedding, placing it on the end of the couch, then grabbed a coffee from the brew she’d left on to keep warm. With his coffee in hand, he looked out of the front room window, watching the neighbors. It wouldn’t be long until the snow covered the ground, and going out in the car would be dangerous. He checked the time and waited. Today they had food shopping to do as well as the last of the toys to collect. Ryan spotted her coming up the driveway. Her blonde hair was escaping her hat.

  She came in shaking from the cold. Ryan winced as it drifted over his naked torso. So much for tempting her with his half naked body. He was bloody freezing.

  “Brr, won’t be long now and we won’t be able to get out,” Jemma said as she walked into the living room. Ryan pulled a shirt over his cold chest, his plan having failed him.

  His ego built as her eyes wandered over his exposed chest, which disappeared as he settled his shirt in place. He couldn’t help but inhale the sweet scent of her. She hadn’t washed it yet.

  “See something you like?” he asked, stretching, showing off as much as possible.

  He saw her swallow and drag her eyes up the length of his body. His shaft pulsed, and he was relieved he’d left his jeans unbuttoned otherwise he’d be in pain now.

  “Do you want another coffee before we go?” she asked.

  “Sure. I’m going to wash.”

  “Is everything okay, Ryan?”

  Ryan shrugged going toward the bathroom. How could he move to the next level? To show Jemma he wanted everything? It was impossible. The love of his life and the family he adored more than life itself were waiting for him. He was too scared of the rejection to move everything forward.

  He had a quick shower, and afterward, he used the reserved toothbrush to clean his teeth. Ryan had a quick shave as well. He stared at his reflection, trying to find some sort of miracle or at least a clue that would give him the answer to his heart’s questions.

  The only person he wanted to talk to about his feelings was his best friend. Shaking his head against the uselessness of everything, he went out to join Jemma. She sat at the table looking worried.

  “Why do I feel a drama coming on?” Ryan took the seat opposite and waited.

  For the longest time she just sat there and stared at him.

  “I don’t want anything to change,” she said.

  Ryan stopped her by taking the coffee cup out of her hands, and placing it on the table. Next, he turned her as he went to his knees in front of her. Placing his hands on her thighs he opened them so he could move between. Taking her face in his hands, he forced her to look at him. He wanted her to look into his eyes and see the love he held for her. She didn’t need to be worried when it came to him.

  “Look at me,” he said, ordering her. Now was a better time than any to take their relationship to the next level.

  “Don’t do this, Ryan,” she said.

  How could he not? Time for them was running out. This was their moment, the time for feelings to come out in the open.

  “I have to, Jemma.” He laid a gentle kiss to her lips. “I love you.” He whispered the words against her lips, and he heard her gasp. The release of those three magical words made his heart lift. For years he’d kept his feelings under wraps never wanting to cause waves. He loved Simon like a brother. Ryan hadn’t been the one to see Jemma first, Simon had, and he’d never do anything to destroy their love or their family.

  He knew without doubt that Simon would want her to be with him. If anyone loved her as much as Simon had it would be Ryan.

  “Don’t do this.” She cupped his face with tears falling from her eyes.

  “I love you, and I don’t want us to end. I want you, Jemma. I always have, and I always will.”

  “Simon was your best friend. He was my husband—”

  “We both loved you, Jemma. Simon would want you to be happy. To be loved,” he said, speaking the truth. He knew Simon would want her to be happy, to stop mourning him. She was too young to spend the rest of her life yearning for a man who was never coming home.

  “Can we just go shopping please?”

  Ryan saw her tense up and withdraw from him. He sighed.

  Whenever Simon was mentioned, she pulled away from him. He understood her pain, but she didn’t need to feel guilty over moving on.

  He removed his hands and nodded. There was no point continuing this conversation.

  “Yes, let’s go Christmas shopping.”

  ****

  The week went by in a blur, with so much to do, between gathering the last of the presents and the food shopping. Jemma had the turkey on order, which she’d done months in advance, so that was a weight off her mind. Billy had a Christmas play in which he had the part of one of the three wise men. Ryan came with her while Simon’s parents watched Megan and Sean. She tried to make sure she was never alone with Ryan after his confession. It didn’t help that Simon’s parents were hellbent on getting them together. Billy had been so happy to have Ryan there he’d cried out in happiness, running to him, so Ryan could scoop him up in his arms.

  Jemma had watched the scene with a fuzzy feeling in her stomach. Her children still needed and craved the attention of a father. Ryan was with them all the time, so all the fatherly duties were falling to him. Megan refused to be tucked in at night by anyone else besides Ryan. He’d been at the birth of Sean, and she knew he would see him as a father.

  At night she lay in her bed, knowing he was lying downstairs on the couch. Did he even have his own home? He seemed to spend all of his spare time here. Not that she minded, not really. She loved him being with her.

  When Friday came, Billy and Megan were bursting at the seams ready to do the decorations.

  Ryan made a manly display of getting all the lights and leaving some on the front lawn, which was now covered in snow. The other decorations were inside the house. He’d brought home a tree and placed it in a bucket with soil and compacted the thing so the tree would stick straight up.

  Jemma baked cookies and mince pies with Sean while Megan and Bill helped Ryan put the fairy lights outside. Christmas music drifted through each room on the stereo. Fantastic holiday cheer filled the house, and she felt part of it all.

  They were like a proper family. The house sparkled and shined. When all three came in from their hard work, she had hot chocolate ready.

  Once all the work was done, Jemma and Ryan bathed the three kids then settled them all down in front of the television. When they were alone, she made popcorn, and Ryan picked a movie for them to watch.

  For two hours they settled down on either end of the sofa while Megan and Billy sat curled up between them. Sean changed places on each of their laps.

  Chapter Four

  Ryan watched the last few minutes of the movie he’d picked. The movie was the kind that was perfect for all the family to enjoy. Megan had her arm around his stomach, and Billy was curled against Jemma. He smiled as he watched Jemma trying to move and not wake up Sean and Billy. Within moments Billy muttered something and snuggled against the pillow she had been sitting against.

  He enjoyed the view of her tempting ass as she made her way out of the room with Sean, carrying him upstairs. Once she was back with Ryan, he helped to take the kids upstairs to bed.

  “Could you take Billy? He’s getting a little too heavy for me,” she asked.

  Jemma really hated this. She hated asking him for help, but she also hated the feelings that were building for him. Wasn’t she ruining her late husband’s memory by falling for his best friend? She was torn. All she wanted to do was run to Ryan, hold him, and never l
et go, but she couldn’t do it. Something was holding her back. Guilt, fear? She didn’t know. Ryan waited for her to take Megan and then scooped up Billy following close behind her. Megan slept in her own room.

  The noise from opening the door and moving around the chaos of his room woke Billy up.

  “What’s going on?” he asked, sleepily.

  “It’s time for bed,” Ryan said. He kept moving toward the bed.

  “I love you, Uncle Ryan.” Billy muttered the words, and snuggled down.

  His heart soared, and Ryan kissed the top of the boy’s head. “I love you, too.”

  Pulling back the covers, Ryan settled him down. Billy opened his eyes and smiled at Ryan. “I like you being here.”

  Ryan smiled brushing the hair off Billy’s face.

  “I enjoy being here, buddy.” Leaning down he kissed his head again, and made to leave. A small hand pulled on his. Ryan looked down at Billy.

  “Would you be my new daddy?” Billy asked. Ryan sat on the bed next to the boy.

  “You have a daddy, Billy.” Ryan stroked his hair.

  “I know, but Daddy’s not coming back.” Ryan’s heart broke. “I want you to be my new daddy.”

  Ryan picked Billy up and cradled the small boy. He loved him as if he was his own flesh and blood.

  “I would love to be your daddy.”

  Putting Billy back to bed and making sure he was fast asleep, Ryan made his way down to the kitchen. Jemma sat at the table waiting for him, tears falling from her eyes.

  “You heard then?” Ryan went to the fridge grabbing himself a beer.

  “I’ve been so blind to so many things. It’s unreal.” Wiping the tears from under her eyes she got out of her chair and went to the stove. Taking a saucepan, she began making herself another round of hot chocolate. Dumping the milk in the pan she went in search of her best quality chocolate.

  “You’re not blind at all.” Ryan stood next to her as she melted the chocolate and sugar into the warm milk.

  “I thought I could be everything, a judge, a juror, an executioner, Mummy, Daddy. You name it, I thought I could do it.” She stirred the hot liquid, the movement jerky, spilling some of the contents over the stove.